Stress Management & Realistic Expectations

A common source of stress is unrealistic expectations. People often become upset about something, not because it is innately stressful, but because it does not concur with what they expected. Take, for example, the experience of driving in slow-moving traffic. If it happens at rush hour, you may not like it but it will not surprise or upset you. However, if it occurs on a Sunday afternoon, especially if it makes you late for something, you are more likely to be stressed by it.

When expectations are realistic, life feels more predictable and therefore more manageable. There is an increased feeling of control because you can plan and prepare yourself (physically and psychologically). For example, if you know in advance when you have to work overtime or stay late, you will take it more in stride than when it is dropped on you at the last minute.

There is much you can do to help a stressed friend by letting them know when their expectations (of themselves and others) are unrealistic. An example would be a person berating himself and feeling guilty because he did not love his stepdaughter as much as his own biologic children. Blended families are common and I suspect many people struggle with this issue of love and loyalty. It is important to ask this man where he got the idea that he would love his second wife's children as if they were his own. I would suggest to such an individual that his expectation was probably unrealistic. This hypothetical person will most likely feel relieved by this idea and stopped putting pressure on himself to feel something he did not feel.